Intro: The journey of introspection; one that is necessary for every soul; one that if we are not careful – we will never experience. To understand the true values of introspection, one must start with solitude. Solitude does not equate to being lonely. Our society has attributed the act of physically being alone to loneliness. This is the biggest deception we as a society and individual souls could believe – one with a great price. The truth is that there is much to be discovered in the realms of solitude and so much that will never be discovered until solitude is brought into the light for what it is. Solitude is the act of being alone on purpose. There are an infinite amount aways we could be robbing ourselves of fulfillment if we live in the absence of solitude. I believe in the power of solitude so much that I dare to say that without it, we have built an entire false self. Solitude is necessary for the wellness of the individual soul as well as interpersonal relationships.
Thesis: Solitude is necessary for the wellness of the individual soul as well as interpersonal relationships.
Paragraph 1: Solitary is necessary for the wellness of the soul:
For my primary source and field research, I interviewed my friend from High School who cut off all contact with everyone he knew after he graduated for eight months. For a whole eight months, no one could get ahold of him and no one knew what he was up to. He would not come out of his house. People were concerned and generally frustrated because of his refusal of contact. It did not even matter if we stood by his door waiting for him to come outside – he would not. I love this example because it demonstrates the reality of the price that is paid to live a life in the true beauty of solitude and introspection. During this time, he read many books and educated himself in many topics, enjoying the higher pleasures of life. A secondhand effect of this is that he discovered what he is passionate about and decided he is going to major in Psychology. He broke the mold of the tidal wave of kids that graduate highschool and go straight to a four year institution just because everyone else around them is. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Here is the truth: we humans are incredibly deep creatures. We are not meant to go about our lives always hopping from one thing to the next. If we have never truly reflected on our everyday lives, then we have never truly lived. It is as essential as water for our bodies as is solitude is for our well being. Henry David Thoreau said “I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least – and it is commonly more than that – sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements,”. He who has went wandering and found the depths of the beauty of solitude claims that he needs at least four hours of it every single day just to be decent. I can personally testify to this too from my own life. I now understand what I did not:
Most people feel quite uncomfortable at the thought of enjoying time with themselves; they would not even know what to do. Most even get concerned that it would be dangerous and would lead to nothing but the darkness of their thoughts. Well, might I propose the idea that there is a goldmine where this fear lies? We must stare whatever scares us so much about solitude right in the face and we must really ask ourselves why we are so scared of it. This is a gigantic problem in itself. As the ancient philosopher Epictetus said, “Men are disturbed by things but by the principles and notions they form concerning things”. How can we know that we are scared of something if we have never truly experienced it? – at least experienced it the way it is meant to be experienced.
There is an entire world that is to be lived once the body stops moving and the mind starts. Sometimes the mind will not truly start moving until our bodies stop.
Necessary for relationships:
Although it is undeniably true that humans are pack animals and human connection is a very deep primary need, we don’t even do human connection correctly. Here is proof: Most Americans on average would say that they do not intentionally spend time alone and to the contrary, spend most of their lives in the presence of other people but, “Health insurer Cigna’s 2018 U.S. Loneliness Index found that 46 percent of Americans report feeling lonely sometimes or always,”. Clearly there must be something wrong in the way we interact with people if that many people still report feeling lonely. As we all know, it is more than possible to feel alone in a crowded room. What many do not know though, is that one can be alone in a room and not feel lonely.
Well, what happens when we gravitate towards living our lives around people is that we are accustoming ourselves to be afraid of the absence of people. With this fear, comes the entrapment of actually being scared of ourselves. It makes perfect sense: If we don’t like people being alone then we are running from our own selves. We subcounsciously conform so many parts of us to what our audience is for all of those differnt parts. We do without even realizing it. We will become who the world wants us to be if we don’t make a conscious effort to do otherwise.
The presence of social media nowadays does not help. This phenomon now adds a whole other element to our inability to be with ourselves. Now, we can perform for eachother and can do it for anyone we want, when we want, wherever we want. We have access to make anyone we want see what we want which means that now we have all access to a social conundrum web of lies that is inescapable and will draw a heart in for good; for its marks it makes in our hearts of not measuring up next to our fellow social media friends lingers with permanence. And then we enter into the game and we never stop playing.
If you want to learn how you can be perfectly fine when you’re alone, you’ll have to understand what causes the problem in the first place. If you’re capable of opening your mind to the state of being alone, fear of loneliness will be replaced by curiosity.
“Simplify your life. Don’t waste the years struggling for things that are unimportant. Don’t burden yourself with possessions. Keep your needs and wants simple and enjoy what you have. Don’t destroy your peace of mind by looking back, worrying about the past. Live in the present. Simplify!” ~ Henry David Thoreau
I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least – and it is commonly more than that – sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.
-Ian’s story
Solitude is necessary for the wellness of relationships:
Today’s young people seem to feel that they can make themselves fully known to one another. They seem to lack a sense of their own depths, and of the value of keeping them hidden.
According to David Brooks, that reliable index of the social – scientific zeitgeist, cognitive scientists tell us that “our decision – making is powerfully influenced by social context”; neuroscientists, that we have “permeable minds” that function in part through a process of “deep imitation”; psychologists, that “we are organized by our attachments”; sociologists, that our behavior is affected by “the power of social networks.” The ultimate implication is that there is no mental space that is not social.
We, however, have made of talent — the weak smile, the polite interest, the fake invitation — a cardinal virtue. Friendship may be slipping from our grasp, but our friendliness is universal
-it may come off as mean and that’s okay
-It will extremely rare to do this but it is still possible
Conclusion- this is easier to do than we believe it. It is actually innate. We have built an identity that does not know how to do otherwise.